Well I had a horrible time when I first started working again. Car insurance bill was accidentally hidden by roommates, got in a car wreck, and got my bill telling me I owed the navy over a half grand. All of this was in the first month of employment. I didn't get paid for two weeks... my first check was only for 1 week... they didn't even send me my second check. I told my mother things were misserable and she sent me $300. I sent it back to her and said "nobody wanted to help me when I needed it, and I certainly do not want any help now." The bad deal was that my letter was even more messed up than that, and my mom got her money order back about 2 days before mothers day. My grandmother wrote me a nasty letter which i ripped up two sentences in...though I say I have I doubt I will ever forgive her. My mother had a habit of being too busy and she believed that $20 sufficiently said "I love you," but to this day it means less than words.

Less than Words

it is true that those who care are

the one who is ignorant to the things i have become

all i do is live a lie, and i wonder when its done

i have betrayed betrayal and thats a sin

for everything i have ever loved

has tried to kill me

or maybe not, maybe its just me

then i got a letter that reminds me of the drugs i use

that tells me not to live in the past

i wonder if they realize i have not even had a sip of coffee in weeks

it doesnt matter they are proud of me

those close to me want to label me

that is how they show support

i am not mad

and that is where the confusion rests

i was simply stating that i have grown up

and they heard eternal immaturity

we speak the same language

but with different tounges

 

Poems of depressing frustration